So many things I have been reading & studying lately have a constant theme – stop hurrying. Take time to live in the moment you are in.
Instead, life often seems like a pinball game. I feel like I am the ball at times – being diverted from one path to another, and batted around by whoever is pushing the buttons.
Someone who is really good at pinball will tell you that there are physics involved – a plan. But to me it seems like a lot of craziness. I remember playing and feeling relief when my ball would get stuck for a bit – and I could take a deep breath.
Perhaps that is my problem.
I see myself as the ball and the person controlling the levers. What if – instead of fighting the physics (the plan), I just allowed He who is really in control to push the levers. And when I am diverted from the path I thought I was on – what IF I trusted that He is the true Master and knows what He is doing? What if I trusted Him, instead of panicking and rushing to push the levers myself? Instead of hurrying from one thing to another, what if I relaxed as I was diverted to the next thing?
Because, really? Why do I hurry? What do I fear? Really, isn't that why I hurry? I am afraid of the consequences. Who will I disappoint? What ball will be dropped? Or perhaps, like Eve, I have bought the lie that I can be like God and control the events of my life.
Of course, this is easier said than done. As these thoughts started forming I have been surrounded by events which seem to have me going every which way. I have felt like I was just barely staying afloat. Reacting to stuff instead of going with the flow...
I have finally felt some peace the last couple of days. For a couple of things, it has meant being still and letting God be God. For a couple of things, it has meant taking action instead of worrying. And just like that – a peace came. It is almost as if I am addicted to the worry. Addicted to the hurrying and the rushing. Maybe even addicted to the adrenaline of making a mountain out of a molehill?
Instead, what if I lived as if each moment were sacred? Instead of feeling at the mercy of the events, I felt the mercy and grace of Our Lord? What if, like the psalmist tells us, I was still and acknowledged that He is God? Would my life change? Even more radical, would my day change?
Be still, and know that I am God